Sunday, September 21, 2014

Things apprentices are no longer allowed to do

Mr. Big here. I'm back and things are settled.

This list is, of course, entirely hypothetical. Were any of my apprentices to do these things, dire results would be in store for them. Hypothetically.
  1. Apprentices are not to kidnap superheroes without their mentor's permission.
  2. No diet soda spills on my DVD cases.
  3. Apprentices shall not make personal use of the expensive knockout gas being used for another caper.
  4. No prisoners shall be made to wear costumes which make them sexually uncomfortable.
  5. Prisoners shall not be forced to take part in any re-enactment of a children's cartoon.
  6. Villains do not publish "Chained Heroes" calendars featuring heroes in any state of undress, and prisoners shall not be told they must pose for such things.
  7. Prisoners shall not be forced to watch romantic comedies or "chick flicks" for more than 4 hours, even with "close supervision".
  8. Apprentices shall not take selfies with prisoners in the background.
  9. Selfies with superhero prisoners in the background are not "photobombs".
  10. Apprentices shall not videotape "dance-offs" with prisoners.
  11. Prisoners shall not be coerced into participating in "dance-offs" using threats of a hostage's safety.
  12. Posted videos including anything on this list or other similar nonsense shall not go onto the villain's primary YouTube channel, and belong on their own channel or as a private video.
  13. Comments shall always be disabled for all YouTube videos posted by villains or their apprentices.
  14. Apprentices are not allowed to use tears to garner sympathy from their mentors.
  15. Apprentices do not have the last word on what is or is not fair. The world isn't fair.
The normal guide will resume shortly.